Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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