I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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