the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
