tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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