There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
