Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
