i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
