Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
