called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
