I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
