My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
