shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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