Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
