I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
