I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
