he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
