She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize