How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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