If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
