I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
