y did u give ur computer a hand job?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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