I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
