Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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