you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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