I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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