What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
