i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
