This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
