Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
