9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
my liver is dry heaving
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
