office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hippo gnu deer
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
