I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So many bounce houses so little time
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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