Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
