How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
