I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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