i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
