would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
