He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
