Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
this is an emotional support booty call
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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