I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
