I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
