Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
