You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
