is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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