everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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