She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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