3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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