You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
