Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
