I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
