I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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