Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
